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How do you deal with death?


KyleKIR

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First, it sucks...but it is part of the job. Like you said, its certianty. And I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with it once you get off as long as you deal with it. When you don't deal with it is when you are messing up. Since January I think I have had six deaths...? 1 DOA, the rest I coded.

You asked "How do you guys deal with deaths on the job?" Each case is different. Most of the time, it isn't something that affects me in a way that I have to deal with it. You live, you die. BUT when I feel it...What I have found works best for me is just being with your crew, they just went through the same thing you did and know what you're feeling. I have had a few rough ones, and the babies are the hardest. Definetely makes you hug your own a bunch more. That helps. I always end up with a lot of "if I had done this" and "if I'd done that" thoughts, and those don't help. I try to focus on the positive. My crew had a horrible train vs car where the extraction took 45 minutes and I was with the pt the whole time...BUT the crew did everything perfectly, we worked awesomely together, other than the extraction the response was text book. I had to try real hard to think about those things rather than the "if we did this instead..." and of course : ) another call soon after always helps. Little adrenaline fixes everything!

Your crew understands, your family doesn't always but they're what keeps you happy. Surround yourself with what makes you happy and an understanding of where you just came from and I always find I am golden.

You asked "Do you cry on scene if someone dies? Maybe a young kid." My personal rule, never. you never ever cry on scene. You're the professional and often times you cannot help the person who passed but you can help those left behind. I have been to a few calls where the person was DOA and then I was there purely as support for the family. My view of it is that you don't get to have personal feelings or act like a human, you are EMT. : )

You asked "Have you cried on scene?" Nope. There is always enough going on, for me at least, that I am busy thinking about things other than crying.

You asked: "Are you allowed to cry or tear up anyways... on scene or in the back of the ambulance when dealing with patients?" Never on scene or with the patient or patient's family...but I have cried afterwards. Sometimes you have to.

You asked "And if you'd like you can talk about how you deal with deaths in your personal life if it's different than on the job." It is completely different in your personal life. It is sad when its happens in your work place...but it is actually painful in a very personal way when it happens in your personal life. But to be honest...I still haven't cried about losing my dad and that was several years back now. (back to that thing I said about not dealing with it being bad haha...)

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What I remember most about my first peds call is how I walked over, walked around, knelt next to, ran a full code on this child, and it wasn't until we were walking out of the house with him did I notice his nationality. That made me think back to every code I could remember and I realized I can't recall any of their faces.

I'll tell you what I'll never forget. The screams his parents let out when they were notified he wasn't coming back.

I don't have time to think about being sad while on a code, im so busy, like I said, I barely even look at their faces other than a quick look for trauma, intubated and pupils. I don't look for the sake of remembering. Am I cold and heartless? Maybe to some people. But I guess I've developed my way of dealing with this, and I can say death does not bother me in the least.

What does bother me is the families. I can probably recall every time I've had to give families a death notice. I remember their faces, the screams, the anger. I've sat with them through the shock (probably longer than I had to in most cases) I've held their hand, and I remember every one of their faces. That is the hardest part for me. I can usually control my emotions afterwards, until the one time my parter told me it was ok to cry, where I busted into tears and cried like a baby. But WOW did it ever feel good!

It's not the dead I cry for, their suffering is over. It's the living who have to keep on living with this hole in their lives that I greave for.

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Wow, everyone put pretty lengthy replies. I am going to keep mine short and sweet: Corona.

I kid, I kid..

For me it depends on the situation. It depends if it was something I did, or if patients body took its own road to peace. I have had patients pass on me in my early days when transporting ill hospice assisted living patients from nursing home to hospital because of chest pain. After a couple years I would say I grew up a bit and was able to control my emotions a bit better, I don't want to say I am cold hearted and don't care.

It always effected me during transport of mva, heart attack, or just general trauma patients and they didn't make it to the hospital. I would sort of blame myself.

I come to find and like to make myself believe the pt's that pass on are in much better shape than they were being transported and treated, and that they simply passed because their bodies knew nothing was going to help.. Corny? Yes, logical? Depends how you look at it. But it does help a bit.

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