Jump to content

"Pun"demonium


Richard B the EMT

Recommended Posts

A man was arrested after running over his neighbors cat. Seems that when he hit the cat it severed the tail. He did his best at reattaching the tail and that's were his trouble started. Unfortunately it's illegal to retail pussy in Montana

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I saw another of my buddies (got a lot of 'em, ya know) running with an attache briefcase, and attired in a business suit, and asked him where he was going.

"I'm taking my case to court."

I saw him the next day, clothed the same, carrying the attache briefcase in one hand, and a ladder in the other. I asked him where he was going.

"I'm taking my case to a higher court."

The next day, I saw him wearing knockaround clothing, and carrying an empty coat hanger. "What happened to you?"

He answered "I lost my suit."

If you see him tomorrow wearing a suit backwards, you'll know that they filed a 'counter suit'!

Edited by Lone Star
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Norvegian diet...

Ole was at the doctor's office.

Doc: 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'

When Ole returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

Ole nodded..'I'll tell you though, by God, I thought I wuz gonna drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

Ole: 'Hell no, it wuz from all dat damn skippin'!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yet another buddy of mine was afraid to walk by the family medicine cabinet. He didn't want to awaken the sleeping pills, or blow up the Nitro pills.

When he got drafted into the Navy, he was told to call the room to "Attention" when an officer walked into the room. An officer walked into the room, and my guy yelled out, "There's one of them officers, everyone!"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

On the Army Live Fire Range:

Training Sargent: "Ready on the left? Ready on the right? OPEN FIRE, fire at will!"

Man: "Hold your fire! Hold your fire!"

Training Sargent: "Why the freak are you countermanding my orders?"

Man: "You're telling everyone to shoot at me. I'm Will!"

Edited by Richard B the EMT
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kiwimedic admitted in chat the other day that he's giving up trying to make Kool-Aid, because after years and years of practice, he still can't figure out how to fit two quarts of water in that little package.......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This thread is quite old. Please consider starting a new thread rather than reviving this one.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...