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Last night we responded to an unconscious possible cardiac at the boat marina. My driver radioed dispatch and ask for medstar {our air transport} to be put on standby. A pt update came across and it was still unknown if pt had regained consciousness....I told my driver to have medstar launched.....In her own words this is what she said over the air " Central this is ems 51, you can go ahead and launch the patient"

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Just a few minutes ago, I heard the following on the sheriff's dept frequency: "Unit 89, Unit 74, respond to Walmart on a report of a 10-10 verbal (argument) between a woman and a seven year old

That must be why the NYPD, FDNY, and FDNY EMS refer to someone as "Being Under", as opposed to "Under Arrest", so we don't get erroneous calls for prisoners whose (alleged) hearts are still beating.

True Story from Santa Monica, California:

Small medium sized city 5 engine companies, 1 truck and rescue, 1 BC. 2 ALS Squads. There are also 1 ALS Ambulance and 2 BLS ambulance, provided by AMR.

One of the BLS units (Rescue 74) was out on a BLS run and then a reported structure fire was dispatched to basically all of the Fire Units as the caller said there was smoke pushing through the top floors:

Engine 3: "Engine 3 is on-scene at 2835 Santa Monica, with a size - up".

Dispathc: "Roger Engine 3 go ahead".

Engine 3: - out of breath - "Engine 3 on scene 2835 SM, 2 story commercial building, vacant, thick black smoke pushing through all 2nd story windows. We have several structures nearby possibly threatened, continue all units code three and I need...

Rescue 74: "74 transporting one patient non-emergency to SM"

Dispatch: "74 youre stepping on E3, go to channel 2"

Engine 3: - upset - "Echo 3 continuing, I need an ALS ambulance dispatched to our scene we have a male victim who was aparently in the building and is suffering from...

Rescue 74: "74 did you copy us transporting?"

Dispatch: - 30 second series of tones (emergency traffic only tones). 74!!!EMERGENCY TRAFFIC ONLY, ALL UNITS WITH TRAFFIC SWITCH TO CHANNEL 2.

Batallion 1: " BC to SM IC...why havent I got a size up yet?

The EMT on 74 was new and had never worked that that unit or in that city, but you would think that she would know enough not to step on a Captian giving his size up.

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This is my squad. Everything's paraphrased as well I as can remember.

Now that we've switched to county dispatch, though, everyone is (hopefully) more professional on the radios.

Two crews were on stand-by duty in different areas for the 4th of July fireworks.

63 to 61: Rig won't start, we need you to jump it with 61.

61 to 63: Should we call it in as "CPR on ambulance"?

63 to 61: You'll have to put it in as "removal of foot from rectum" if you don't get over here!

Some police or borough honcho (I'm rather new, so I'm not sure who it was) comes up and asks "Did I just hear you say, over the radio, that someone had an ambulance up their ass?"

I thought it was funny, anyway.

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A complete waste of airtime: Several units, right after each other, reporting a smoke condition from a fire, that we already had several units onscene for the standby. Like they couldn't hear each other? All of the units were not assigned calls.

What the heck, I called it in, too!

Then, there was:

(Dispatcher) unit 150, where are you?

(150 team, singing in a really off key) Sooooooomewheeeeeeeeeeeere ooooooooooooooooooover the Rainnnnnnnbowwwwwwww...

(Both halves of the team on 150 were separated, and ran ambulettes for the next week. I still have my commemorative rainbow ribbon from that event!)

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Here you go:

Rt 28 command-"We have a pole involved here with no tag on it to ID it by"

Dispatch-"Standby and we'll try to find out something"

Dispatch"- We contacted phone and electric company, both state they have no poles in that general area. Also, cable company advises the same. gas company advised they do not have any poles"


Command- "On scene with one vehicle on it's top blocking the roadway, all occupants out of the vehicle"

Dispatch-"10-4. PD is en-route with a 15 minute ETA

Command-"Ascertain from PD if we can mark the tires and move the car out of the road"

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I swear to God this is an actual radio transmission!!!!

Helicopter 5 to *******Dispatch, "What coordinates for the LZ do you have?

********Dispatch-"Helicopter 5, proceed up Rt 28 to the stop light, make a left and go to the top of the mountain. Make another left at the top of the mountain, and proceed out that road approx 5 miles"

Helicopter5-"Dispatch, we don't exactly have stoplights and turn signals up here you know"


"Medic 23, proceed out *****Road to the second tree with a hubcap on it, make a left at the tree and go to the third trailer on the top of the hill to the right of the dairy barn"

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Maybe MizzouMedic will remember this, but Boone County Missouri Station #1 had a very, uh, effeminate firefighter (he sounded like every stereotype of a gay man you can think of- imagine Big Gay Al from South Park) and he was driving the engine to a fire on Rainbow Trout Drive. He marks on scene with the following, "Dispatch, This is Engine 1, establishing Rainbow Command!"

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Think before you speak...

Chief on location of accident. Reporting no injuries, no need for fire apparatus. I'll be holding myself on location.

Disp.: a few seconds later laughing the whole time.........OK, Chief will be holding himself, all units re-call!

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And then there was a dispatcher, didn't realize her foot was on the transmit pedal, was talking on the land-line, which was a taped phone line like the radio, and accidentally said on the air, "No F***ing way!"

She might have gotten away with it, but the Lieutenant in EMD heard her say it, as well as the Chief of Department, who was monitoring her frequency from his command car.


The now former dispatcher, herself, told me about this, I didn't "ear-witness" it.

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I used this in one of books (both currently available on Amazon) but I'll post it up here anyway.

"Unit 303, you're responding to 654 Bergen Avenue, that's the YMCA... for the (start's singing Village People) Young man, feeling shortness of breath! I said, Young man, with some shortness of breath!"

He was removed from the dispatch center immediately, which was he plan all along.


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