DUMBEST THING EVER HEARD ON THE RADIO/SCANNER

[cosgrojo]

"Seacoast dispatch dispatching XYZ ambulance to 123 Hippaa st. for the 45 year old male with right foot stuck in snowblower."

2 minutes later...

"Update from scene to responding units..." (giggling) "the foot's no longer stuck....."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Please start priority 3, non-emergent to 123 Hippaa St. for a man having problems with his penis...."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dispatch: "Take the response into the Reservation for multiple trauma patients."

US: "Could we have an address for this incident?"

Dispatch: "Uhhhhhhhh.... No."

US: "What?"

Dispatch: "Sign on with fire for the rest of your info."

-after we called fire-

Fire: "Uh... we have no knowledge of this incident, sign on with your own dispatch."

[Truckiee1245]

I ran a call one day. "Stafford to Engine 4, be advised the pt is not breathing, non responsive but combative, Engine 4 to Stafford, did you say not breathing and non responsive but combative? Stafford to Engine 4 yes I did and the pt just clocked his mom and is winning" I was the one talking on the radio at the time this came out, and this call was ran a few years back and I remember it like it was yesterday.

[hfdff422]

This is from a Sheriff's department that requires their deputies to be college educated (usually). They are actually very professional when dealing with the public, but this was late one cold night......

(Edward is the designator for the enforcement division)

Control: Edward (insert unit #), dispatch

Edward xx: Edward xx

Control: Copy for an animal complaint

Edward xx: Edward xx

Control: xxxx county road xxx, 10-17 (complaintant) advises there is a cow out of the neighbors fence wandering through their yard and the road

Edward xx: Edward xx is clear, see if you can locate the number of the owner in the livestock registration.

Control: Clear

.................................

Edward xx: Control, Edward xx is 10-60 (in the area)

Control: Edward xx

...

Edward xx: Control, Edward xx, I am unable to locate a cow

Control: We have located the potential owner

Edward xx: Clear

..

Edward xx: Control, Edward xx, I have moo cow

Control: Edward xx?

Edward xx: Control, I will be out of the car with the property owner and a brown on white cow

Control: Clear on moo cow

[Rescue0ne]

As heard in this neck of the woods in corn country:

okey dokey is an acceptable means of saying 10-4

and directions to a call out here is the same as saying "that fire is where the old Johnson house was. You go down that one road with the rooster mailbox, hack a right and go to the top of the hill where the cow stands on Tuesday.

While listening to the radio one night I heard the Chief tell his good ol boys to quit F****** walking over each other on the radio.

I s*** you not....

No bull****, I actually used to say "Okie Dokie" instead of "10-4" when I first began my EMS career...until someone called it to my attention. Keeping in mind, I was 15 y/o on a Junior Rescue Squad at the time...

[chazmedic]

Dispatch:"Respond to report of respiratory distress."

Dispatch:"Further on your resp distress, this is going to be secondary to her husband currently choking her."

Unit: "Do we need to stage for PD?"

Dispatch: "Negative, we told her to tell her husband to stop. Continue in."

Another one:

Dispatch: "Unit --, you're responding to a male subject shot by another subject still on scene."

Unit: "10-4, is PD on scene?

Dispatch: "Negative, we've talked with the shooter and told him to unload the handgun. He said he would. Continue in."

[Richard B the EMT]

Someone commented on the cucumber up the rectum? Anybody heard the EMS urban legend of the Gerbil up someone's rectum? Story has been around at least 30 years.

[Ridryder 911]

I was in ER when the EMS actually transported a very prominent citizen with a gerbil ..etc. Unfortunately, as things goes the word got out.. The person(s) involved were whom both were routinely in the local media daily, and one owned a large store... One day some guy though it would be funny and release a box of gerbils in the store... the former patient did not see the humor.

The parties involved sued the hospital for "breech of confidentiality" (before HIPPA) and the case was settled out for undisclosed amount. Although, it might be a myth in some parts.. I know it was true in one case.. I was there and know how surprised radiology was...this was about 17 -20 years ago.

R/R 911

[ashfromsi]

Unit : Central give me a note..patient took 80 Ambien and 40 Prozac...

Dist : Was it intentional or accidental

[medic_9]

Dispatch: 5430 proceed priority 4 (our lights and siren) to 123 somewhere st for a 40 year old female complaining of shortness of breath, be advised patient is also complaining of pain to one of her tooth.

- Had me giggling as we were going up the stairs. Turns out the patients only problem is a broken tooth that's been broken for TWO MONTHS.

Not my call -->

Dispatch: 5421 proceed priority 4 to 321 whatever st for a 90 year old, unconscious.

5421 10-4

Dispatch: 5421 Be advised patient VSA, CPR in progress..

[akroeze]

Dispatch: 5430 proceed priority 4 (our lights and siren) to 123 somewhere st for a 40 year old female complaining of shortness of breath, be advised patient is also complaining of pain to one of her tooth.

- Had me giggling as we were going up the stairs. Turns out the patients only problem is a broken tooth that's been broken for TWO MONTHS.

Not my call -->

Dispatch: 5421 proceed priority 4 to 321 whatever st for a 90 year old, unconscious.

5421 10-4

Dispatch: 5421 Be advised patient VSA, CPR in progress..

Maybe I'm tired but I truly can't see anythign wrong with that second one...