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lookingforasolution

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  1. The trip finally happened. They left Tuesday of last week and arrived at the program in Southern Utah on Thursday morning. They made it down safely without any issues. A situation developed as they were moving him into his room. He got violent and kicked a couple employees; however, they reassured my gf's family that this was pretty standard when kids are dropped off. Her family said goodbye and left, filled with the hope that this may be the beginning of a new life for him. The plan of the program was for him to stay 3 months. Unfortunately, he lasted 3 hours. When the program called, they informed his mother that they are unable to keep him and that the police were holding him. You can imagine the horror they felt as they turned around. Apparently, his violent tantrums continued to escalate. They tried to let him cool down by giving him some time alone in his room - he escaped and a search party was called to find him (the camp is in the middle of nowhere). Once they found him, he fought back until police physically restrained him. Exhausted by the drive, his family did not put up much of a fight to convince him to stay - it was pretty clear that it wasn't going to work. So they picked him up and drove back to Seattle. He slept most of the way back. Words cannot express the pain my gf and her family is dealing with. We're not quite sure what's next. He is becoming more violent with his mother and father - both of which have exhausted their efforts to help him. He is a smart enough kid to realize his condition and that he needs help, but is unwilling to give any effort on his part. He uses his condition to manipulate situations in order to get what he wants. They made it clear that this program in Utah was his last major chance to receive this kind of help. They are now reluctantly looking at turning him over to the state. All I can do is pray for him and support my girlfriend while she continues to deal with this.
  2. Wow - I'm grateful for the responses and information that has come through since I last checked this out. The appointment yesterday went incredibly well. This specific doctor has been working with the kid over the past 5 years and is pretty familiar with the situation; however, previous attempts for specific therapies and programs have never panned out. The mother got a chance to have a one on one conversation with the doctor before the actual appointment. That was crucial because they got to discuss some things that may have made the brother uncomfortable (also, we prepped her to ask some questions based on points made by those who contributed here - THANK YOU!!!). When they all sat down, the doctor explained how incredible this opportunity is for him and his future. They focused on the positives of the program, mainly activities & the chance to farm (which he loves), but also told him that we would all be here for him once he returned - regardless of how his experience went. He trusts this doctor and I do believe he realizes that this his last chance to get real help before turning 18. The hardest part through this has been getting him on board to go. There was a breakthrough during that appointment in which he admitted that he needed a change. For the first time, he actually embraced this (which led his mom to tears of joy/relief). As for the actual trip down to Utah, I gotta tip my cap to the kid - he came up with his own plan. He told the doctor and his mother that if he was going to go, he wants his mom, dad, and sister to take him. He said it was important to him that they spend that time together as a family before he leaves and takes this on. The parents have been divorced for a while, and the father been a real pain when it comes to helping with his son. Although we know there's that constant possibility of him "blowing up" (which now makes me laugh every time I say that because of that hyperlink lol), everyone is taking comfort in his current perspective on the trip. They are all embracing it as an opportunity to catch up on lost time and to stand together as one family to support him - this kind of solidarity has been absent for years. They are leaving within the next 10 days. If he "blows up", they have his prescribed medication to calm him down. The doctor suggested using what they normally use when he is at home because he is comfortable with it (and it works). But fingers crossed, that won't be necessary. So, what began as an idea to knock him up on medication and get him down there as fast as possible, regardless of his desire, has turned into a much-needed family vacation and hopefully a new beginning in his life. He is a very smart kid and I think he realizes how important this is to his development for life in the real world. I'm not sure we would be in this place now if it wasn't for some of the feedback I got on this site. Thanks again. I look forward to posting about a successful trip in the next few weeks.
  3. It will be interesting to see how tomorrow's appointment goes. It amazes me how much my state (WA) neglects mental health issues like this. Through 7 years of looking for help, we're still at ground zero. It doesn't help when he breaks out of the hospital & psych ward, but I would hope to think in this day in age we would have more resources to deal with these kind of situations. Thanks again for the advice.
  4. I am not in EMS, I'm just a guy that came across this site when looking for some resources (this topic was discussed here about four years ago). The family doesn't have much of a medical team; however, the doctor that does his medicine management is meeting with them tomorrow. He had broken out of the regional psych ward and hospital before, so we'll be interested to see what kind of recommendation the doctor will make for a way to transport. Appreciate the feedback here - all except for the hyperlink... his "blow-ups" consist of threatening our lives, destructing our home, and personal harm to himself - not sexual toys.
  5. My girlfriend (of 7 years) has a brother who has a significant case of aspergers. Her family has tried taking him to several different places in our state (WA) to get help. Unfortunately, everyone has told us that he doesn't fit the criteria for proper care. Over the last 7 years, his blow-ups have become exponentially worse. He is now 17, addicted to violent video games, and poses a threat to himself and those around him whenever he "blows up." We have found a special institution in Utah where we hope he can get the help he needs. He is almost 18 and this school is one of our final chances before he is legally an adult. Now that he has been accepted and loans approved to finance this, our greatest obstacle is getting him there. Although he understands the significance of attending this school, it is inevitable that he will explode at some point during the trip - he has already shown reluctance in going. I know this sounds horrible, but I had the idea of sedating him for the 14 hour drive. Flight is out of the question. At the same time, I find myself internally fighting with the idea that if he does not want help, how helpful will this be if we force him to go? I'm posting here to get any insight from someone with experience in a situation like this. My greatest fear is that nothing significant in his life will change until he hurts himself or someone else. My girlfriend and her family are growing weak in dealing with this. His mother gives in too easily to his demands (video games, food, etc.) because she is worn out and he has grown to be forceful - it's easier for her to give in than put up a fight (which is still the wrong thing to do IMO). As my girlfriend recently told me, "threats don't get help, action gets help." My conscience struggles with simply waiting for something horrible to happen in order to get the right kind of help he needs. Any suggestions for getting him down there or anything else would be greatly appreciated.
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