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naturegirl

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Blog Comments posted by naturegirl

  1. It's amazing how much time heals and brings perspective. Before things got better they got much worse. I really believe it all came from a horrible lack of confidence. Before I could rise from the ashes I guess I had to burn completely. I got to the crossroad where I had to make a decision and so I took a "gap year" and did some traveling, spent a lot of time in the wilderness and generally, just thinking. 

    At the end I gave it one more shot. I changed locations, moving all the way across the country. I went with a service that has a very organized training program and a well oiled machine that molds everyone to what they want. I think having that kind of incubator experience helped me build confidence. My preceptor was firm but fair, I had a lot of feedback and it was just what I needed. 

    I made a new plan. I made a new home, but ultimately I made a new me. I took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference. Ok I plagiarized that last sentence but it's all true and it's all good

    maybe I will start a new blog soon and detail that journey but I think this one is going to sigh one last breath and be no more

  2. As it turns out you need a corkscrew to open a bottle of wine. I am realizing as I search out how various organizations run that there was no system in place. None. You make a mistake, don't perform well and it all falls on whether or not your partner might say something to you, or another medic on the call. It doesn't usually happen, so your mistakes just anchor you until you are shown the door with no warning. I guess the only thing worse is to never know what mistakes you made and then be out in the cold, ready to go somewhere and make them all over again. I got in EMS after 20 years of wishing I'd done it sooner. I do wish I'd taken more responsibility for the lack of experiences I got on my internship. I ended up doing penance for arguing with my instructor about it by being sent to handle cancer center transfers instead of the busy local EMS system. It's a messed up world, but one I'm proud to say I'm ready to depart from. I intend to stay in EMS somewhere else, where I can also find a place to put my management skills to. I know what's f-ed up about so many places, I think I can make a positive difference, if it's possible to be in management without extensive field experience. I've seen management ridicule people openly for asking what they considered to be a dumb question, gang up on less assertive employees, make character assassinations because they didn't like an otherwise very competent employee. I also need to get over the fact it's not easy for me, so I have to work harder at it. Just because I went to medic school with a bunch of brainiac med school wannabees who are really good with the details doesn't make me a crappy medic.

  3. WOW, sorry. I really wasn't looking at the Blog like you have presented. I didn't want advice as much as validation. Lots of people read, no one replies seemed to be a message that hurt. I was hoping I could be a word of warning for newbies to own their medic school experience, their first job, to listen to the inner voice. My inner voice said repeatedly, you do not have enough experience. I let myself be placed where I wasn't entirely comfortable and then the stupid little voice kept going until reality mirrored it. I have seen a lot of posts where people comment, encourage, or just plain say, get a life. I do know what I want and it will not be easy. It is something I will have to work at, study at every day. Just because I passed the test doesn't make me a medic. I know that, but I don't need my face rubbed in it. I wanted to take another job but the words of FTO I rode with during my internship echoed: Don't try to be my friend until you get through this, then maybe you can try. What, you can't be tough and be friendly is what I wanted to say, but I shrank back and prayed to get done and go home instead. What I really wanted was a place to make mistakes and learn while someone sat at my side keeping me from doing anything stupid. I didn't realize I was supposed to come perfect. That seemed to be a unifying mark of many internships in my class and there was 100% pass rate on the test but only half are even working as a medic now 2 years later. I don't want to be one of them.

    So I apologize for mistaking the lack of comments on the blog for any real judgement. However if it seems like I need a smack, feel free to smack.

  4. It's an unfortunate fact that people who do this as a career (FT) do it differently than people who are volunteers or part time. We have plenty of people where I live who just want to drive the ambulance and criticize what happens in the back. You're also probably fighting previous medics who treated the part timers like crap and now they're defensive and half assed. You could try something simple; just be nice to the guy and talk to him. Ask him if he remembers when he first started as an EMT, and coach him. Remind him how much you're depending on him to be part of the team, how much you want to do the right thing, and how he'd want you to treat him or a member of his family. Too many people forget how far you can get being nice, even when you don't think you should have to be. He's not doing his job, and you're having to kiss his ass to get him to do it is frustrating. However, what's the bigger picture here?

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