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cscboulder11

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Posts posted by cscboulder11

  1. (Stolen)

    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
    'No,' she answered.
    I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    And that's when the fight started...

    ______________________________

    I took my wife to a restaurant.

    The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

    "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
    "Nah, she can order for herself."

    And that's when the fight started.....

    ___________________________

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
    reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
    drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

    I asked her, "Do you know him?"
    "Yes", she sighed,
    "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
    right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
    hasn't been sober since."

    "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
    celebrating that long?"

    And then the fight started...

    ______________________________

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
    But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
    making beer.. Always something more important to me.

    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
    scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
    the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
    I handed her a toothbrush.

    I said, "When you finish cutting the
    grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

    ___________________________

    My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, "What's on TV?"
    I said, "Dust."

    And then the fight started...

    ______________________________

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
    boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
    downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
    would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
    now with a different anticipation,
    and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...

    _____________________________

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the fight started......

    ____________________________

    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
    for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

    for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

    and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

    I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
    So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

    She said, 'You should have dropped
    your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

    And then the fight started...

    ______________________________

    My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

    She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
    "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
    to pay me a compliment.'

    I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

    And then the fight started........

    ______________________________

    I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

    The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
    He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
    So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

    That's how the fight started.

    ______________________________


    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
    as a Christmas gift...

    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
    When she asked me why, I replied,
    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

    And that's how the fight started.....

    • Like 1
  2. I'd run toward the first blast, for the simple reason that for maximum damage, a second device is unlikely to be placed in close proximity to the first.

    But if the goal is to take out first responders, wouldn't a second one be close to the victims so that it can reach the responders as well?

  3. Rawr. Bridezillas suck- the only time I ever pulled an "I'm the bride" moment was on my wedding day, because my aunt made my cousins late, and I wasn't gonna hear for the next 20 years about how she made my cousins miss my wedding and how horrible etc. So we waited for them to get there. (My family is crazy- trust me this was indeed the better option).

    Beer thirty indeed! Yum. (Defying my choir director's explicit instructions I might add... lol we have a dress rehearsal and performance yet to go this week and alkyhol isn't so good on the old vocal cords.)

    Any good weather around anywhere? It's finally raining here...

    Raining here as well, but we need it badly.

  4. I've never believed in God. I went to church, attended Sunday school, and read the Bible growing up, but I just couldn't believe in the Bible like that. It left me with far too many questions and nowhere near enough answers. I always appreciated science for that reason since it had plausible theories when it didn't have answers. Whenever I asked questions of a priest, they were never able to answer them. I also have a condition that will be with me for the rest of my life, and for that to be part of "God's plan" just seems cruel. I don't know what happens after death and I don't think anyone can say for sure until they leave for good.

    Regarding near death experiences, I don't know what to think. There's lots of reports, but they vary so wildly, which just cements my belief that everyone has to experience those final moments for themselves.

  5. I recently started a physiology course and had a question that someone here might be able to answer. Reflex loops were covered recently, and it was said that pyrogens are what causes fever by resetting the normal body temperature in the hypothalamus to a higher one, in turn causing fever. What's responsible for resetting the hypothalamus to the correct, lower body temperature?

    (I'm taking the course through Coursera, which is why I can't just ask the instructor directly)

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