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emtb.ashleyw

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  1. When I was 16 fresh out of emtb class I did an internship with the paid companies to get my high school credit. We picked up a 3 year old in full cardiac arrest, his pupils were fixed and dilalted the paramedic warned me he might not make it. I had no idea that there had been trauma involved the mom wasnt telling us what happened so I opened his airway with the head tilt chin lift maneuver. Next thing I know we are cutting off his clothes and see multiple bruises and are boarding and putting a collar on him. The mom threw him down the stairs twice. He also did not make it. I cant help but shake the feeling that I had something to do with it by opening his airway wrong. Three years later and I STILL have dreams about that day atleast three times a month. Sometimes hes alive when we get there, sometime hes already dead he never makes it through. My dh doesnt think me going to visit the child's grave will give me any closure but should I atleast try it anyway? It was my first loss and I took it hard. I honestly have no clue what to do to stop it it seems like no one understand they are like it wasnt your fault now get over it. Anyway any ideas anyone?
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