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So here I sit spinning around in my own little world, waiting for some cheese and bread for my wine. No my whine. It will be my last post because obviously there is nothing in the last 3 that has made anyone offer any words. No slap upside the head, no you deserve what you've been dealt, etc etc. I posted in hopes of finding out if anyone could put their virtual arm around me and tell me it would be ok, that it would get better. Study more, try harder, give it up. Your employer sounds like a moron would have been awesome. I did some research and I found evidence that other EMS agencies use systems to manage their employees, track problems, provide solutions to head off problems, remediate and retain as needed. So I'm encouraged that another place may hold out some hope.

I do leave you all with this, and I know at least 300 people have read the blog: We're charged with taking care of people on what is often their worst day ever. I know there's plenty of abuse, plenty of free loaders, plently of people with no coping skills. I never minded that so much which is why I thought I had something to offer to the field. No matter how dumb assed, how stupid or how abusive, I gave every patient compassion and kindness, even when they didn't deserve it. I treated them to the best of my ability without abuse, which is more than the ER I had to take most of my patients to ever did. No matter what dumb mistake a co worker ever offered up and I've seen some doozies, I treated them with kindness and respect and tried to be helpful about offering alternatives that might have been more appropriate without trashing them either to their face or behind their backs, which almost seems to be a sport in EMS anymore. See how hard you can go at someone until they break and then celebrate it?

In a field where we take care of people, we suck at taking care of each other.


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SO you are abandoning us because we don't comment on your blog? I thought blogs were places for people to blow off steam no to seek opinions or help. The forum is where to ask for those. The blogs are for your benefit.

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You have done enough second guessing your procedures, and questioning your actions. There are some external things you will not be able to change.

I gather you have been in EMS for awhile and are very experienced. What made you get into EMS in the first place? Do you still feel the way you did when you first joined (not counting the politics) regarding patient care?

The holiday period does make anything more stressful, but this could be a good time to take some time to think about my previous questions.

All EMS services are not like the horror show you have been presenting over the last few blogs and it is hard to tell someone what to do. Are you with a private agency or community based one. What is around you? Every agency is different even when they are "next store" to each other.

Don't be selling yourself short, use this as an opportunity to look around at other locations and at yourself. You have a lot to offer and it just has to be in the right direction.

BTW I recommend a glass of Turning Leaf Chardonnay for the New Year. A Happy New Year to You and Yours


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SO you are abandoning us because we don't comment on your blog? I thought blogs were places for people to blow off steam no to seek opinions or help. The forum is where to ask for those. The blogs are for your benefit.

Good point, I forgot to mention the forum on "General EMS Discussions" There are some great minds that read these and may be able to shed better light than I did.

Don't forget the glass of Turning Leaf.

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WOW, sorry. I really wasn't looking at the Blog like you have presented. I didn't want advice as much as validation. Lots of people read, no one replies seemed to be a message that hurt. I was hoping I could be a word of warning for newbies to own their medic school experience, their first job, to listen to the inner voice. My inner voice said repeatedly, you do not have enough experience. I let myself be placed where I wasn't entirely comfortable and then the stupid little voice kept going until reality mirrored it. I have seen a lot of posts where people comment, encourage, or just plain say, get a life. I do know what I want and it will not be easy. It is something I will have to work at, study at every day. Just because I passed the test doesn't make me a medic. I know that, but I don't need my face rubbed in it. I wanted to take another job but the words of FTO I rode with during my internship echoed: Don't try to be my friend until you get through this, then maybe you can try. What, you can't be tough and be friendly is what I wanted to say, but I shrank back and prayed to get done and go home instead. What I really wanted was a place to make mistakes and learn while someone sat at my side keeping me from doing anything stupid. I didn't realize I was supposed to come perfect. That seemed to be a unifying mark of many internships in my class and there was 100% pass rate on the test but only half are even working as a medic now 2 years later. I don't want to be one of them.

So I apologize for mistaking the lack of comments on the blog for any real judgement. However if it seems like I need a smack, feel free to smack.

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It sounds like you are basing your feelings on the comments of one FTO. Not Good. No one comes out perfect. Everyone is different, My favorite example of this is the show NCIS where the boss is fair but cares about his team.

You will always be learning and the 100% pass rate only shows you can read the mind of the person who wrote the test and nothing more. Getting your hands dirty in the field and making a few mistakes will teach you a great deal, but you also have to be open to learning. This is regardless how long you are in the field. I only hope any mistake I make does not cost a patient his or her life.

I have the fortune of working with some folks that have been active over thirty years, they are still learning (as well as teaching). Stop selling yourself short.

How long have you been in the field? Why did you get into it? Some times you have to tell the little voice to STHU.

BTW, Did you have that glass of wine?

Just my Humble Opinion

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As it turns out you need a corkscrew to open a bottle of wine. I am realizing as I search out how various organizations run that there was no system in place. None. You make a mistake, don't perform well and it all falls on whether or not your partner might say something to you, or another medic on the call. It doesn't usually happen, so your mistakes just anchor you until you are shown the door with no warning. I guess the only thing worse is to never know what mistakes you made and then be out in the cold, ready to go somewhere and make them all over again. I got in EMS after 20 years of wishing I'd done it sooner. I do wish I'd taken more responsibility for the lack of experiences I got on my internship. I ended up doing penance for arguing with my instructor about it by being sent to handle cancer center transfers instead of the busy local EMS system. It's a messed up world, but one I'm proud to say I'm ready to depart from. I intend to stay in EMS somewhere else, where I can also find a place to put my management skills to. I know what's f-ed up about so many places, I think I can make a positive difference, if it's possible to be in management without extensive field experience. I've seen management ridicule people openly for asking what they considered to be a dumb question, gang up on less assertive employees, make character assassinations because they didn't like an otherwise very competent employee. I also need to get over the fact it's not easy for me, so I have to work harder at it. Just because I went to medic school with a bunch of brainiac med school wannabees who are really good with the details doesn't make me a crappy medic.

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Stop positioning your mindset as a crappy medic! Opinions are like rear ends, everyone has them. Look around you and see if there are other opportunities. Please bear in mind, I don't know your locale, but I would not like to see your talent and dedication go to waste over the singular opinions of someone in your dept.

Let your partner say something, then use it as a tool for more training if you feel it would help you.

I got into EMS when I turned sixty, and wish I had done it sooner. There are other areas around me that I could look at even if it means starting from close to the bottom.

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I see you did your initial foray into EMS in 1978. Not sure when you returned, or how long you've been doing it again. As for getting into management, generally yes, you do need some field experience for credibility and to really understand the issues facing the providers and the company in general. Is it mandatory? No- especially in a company where their may be multiple managerial positions- such as operations, clinical, training, etc. If you have managerial training without the field experience, you could lean on the other managers for advice on how to integrate leadership and managerial concepts and direct them to EMS issues. Obviously this would mean you needed to convince a company of your value- despite a lack of field experience. Good managers are rare- especially ones who have the educational background in leadership and management, and the ones who berate and belittle employees clearly are lacking in that department.

Bottom line- EMS needs better leaders AND better managers, Good luck,

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I've read your blogs, I've never commented on them until now, I respect your posts and your blog.  But I really hope you do not need validation of blog respect to be considered respected?  I have a private blog that is open to only a few friends that never EVER respond to my blog posts.  I don't expect blog responses but I do know that they read my posts and they have been in my shoes before.  I am also on their list of blog recipients and I don't respond to their blogs but we all have been in the same situations that we blog about.  We do not need validation of what we blog about.  YOU DO NOT need validation as a medic or person in a blog.  Validation comes from friends and like minded people in the real world and friends flesh and bones real world.  I do see that your blog has been viewed 9100 times or so, to me that is VALIDATION that you have done something right.  Take it or leave it but 9100 views which means 9100 or so people have viewed your blog, thats a pretty good number,  my number is somewhat like 120.  

9100 is your validation

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It's amazing how much time heals and brings perspective. Before things got better they got much worse. I really believe it all came from a horrible lack of confidence. Before I could rise from the ashes I guess I had to burn completely. I got to the crossroad where I had to make a decision and so I took a "gap year" and did some traveling, spent a lot of time in the wilderness and generally, just thinking. 

At the end I gave it one more shot. I changed locations, moving all the way across the country. I went with a service that has a very organized training program and a well oiled machine that molds everyone to what they want. I think having that kind of incubator experience helped me build confidence. My preceptor was firm but fair, I had a lot of feedback and it was just what I needed. 

I made a new plan. I made a new home, but ultimately I made a new me. I took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference. Ok I plagiarized that last sentence but it's all true and it's all good

maybe I will start a new blog soon and detail that journey but I think this one is going to sigh one last breath and be no more

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