I love you Kaisu.

It's a perfect post. The love and hate that must be fighting in your head and your spirit. The justly deserved anger at odds with the need to take responsibility and all the while remember that this was a senseless act in the most accurate definition of the term, visited on an amazing, though lost, man.

I wish I could bring you peace on this, but I know that it's a battle that you have to fight mostly alone.

You've done so many times before, and have always found the honest, kind, optimistic tinted with sarcasm way to continue on...I know that you will do so again here.

When we talked the other day I had the strangest thought. That hearing you laugh, and cuss and just be you brightened my whole day, it just filled it with a whole new, better, energy.

But I actually thought, "You can't let her do this! She needs that energy right now, she doesn't have it to waste on you." Silly of course...But even my subconscious brain is worried about you sometimes.. :-)

Good on you for using your hard won tools and reaching out to your friends here when you needed to. I think you'd be surprised to discover how well loved and respected you are here. So if you've not figured it out for yourself yet you'll just have to take my word for it. You know it's not my way to blow smoke up your ass. (weird term, right?)

And lets not wait so long to talk again, ok? There's something missing in my life when you're not in it. I don't know that many freaks, I need my fix...

Ok, so that's all the sappy, sentimental bullshit you're getting from me today. So sack up, (Snatch up?) and get on with the getting on with life...Like you've always done...

Dwayne

WE love you Kaisu.

I so wish I could hold you in my arms to hold and don't blame yourself, and never ask the question WhY... it was the first lesson in EMS that I learned .. Thank you Gwen MacDonald REMT-P .