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Cheating on your life partner



This isn't something I have ever really entertained no do I have in the least any respect for someone that cheats on their life partner, yet it seems to become pretty common practice these days to have a "romp on the side".

This conversation became the topic of discussion today after a friend seemed pretty upset. He explained that years ago his father had an office affair, although very fleeting, that his mother found out about. I must admit, his father would be the last person I would have thought to have an affair. He's the ultimate family man working hard so his family never has anything they need. In fact, they are the hardest people in this world to buy gifts for cause they have everything their hearts desire and then some.

He explained that his mother occasionally broaches this subject with it becoming more intense as the years have come and gone. Now it seems she's doing this with outsiders being in their company. Now I have worked in the Oil and Gas industry for the last 8odd years and know for a fact that very few of those guys are faithful to their partners. It's something I hate with a passion and loose all my respect for those that have affairs. Surely, and I might be old fashioned here, if you declare your love to a person in sight of God and the witnesses present you do everything in your power to keep that love alive?

While I know the blame isn't to be laid at the door of the cheating party alone, since a marriage or relationship is a two way street and I believe there's a reason the person goes out and looks for "new" meat. It still in my mind does not excuse the act of cheating. Surely if you are not "getting it all" in the bedroom you discuss this with your partner and find a solution that suits the both of you?

Now siding with either of the two people involved here will make or create one massive argument with my friend and being a lover not fighter I tend to avoid confrontation as much as possible. For years he "sided" with his mother wondering what she must have been going thought over the last years. Now it seems he's "siding" with his father. Saying and I quote "He's human, humans make mistakes. The man has worked his ass off to provide my mother with everything she wants in life. How long must he suffer for what he's done?" I suppose this would be one way of looking at, but I'm not completely convinced by his statement.

In my mind the ultimate betrayal of trust is cheating on your husband or wife. you place your future, your life, in the hands of the person only for them to basically throw it back in your face. in a sense it shows you that "you are not worth it" when it comes to doing what you can to safe your happiness and love. Personally I am more vengeful than I should probably be. I will not stand for anything like that. Had I had the proof and knowledge that my wife is or has been cheating on me, that will be the end of the relationship. Sure this goes against the "do everything you can to save the relationship" that I mentioned earlier mainly because I believe that once it's reached the stage of cheating, it's to late.

I will not go to any extremes though, I am not that type of person. I will simply collect my stuff and walk out. Maybe I am being naive in believing that the promise made to "love and to hold" should be a lifelong commitment that requires lots of work and even more communication. Either way, there's no excuse in this world to justify cheating on your partner. People don't simply fall in and out of love as it pleases them. To me, a person that cheats on their partner are lower than snake shit on the sea bed.


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There are a few things that I want to comment on regarding your blog. First, you are right – when one partner cheats, they are not 100% to blame for the problems in the relationship. However, they are to blame for the choice that they made to cheat. I also agree that in certain circles it is commonplace.

That being said, some marriages can be saved even after one partner cheats. It isn’t easy, but it can be done. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of forgiveness.

In the situation you describe, it appears that there are still issues in the relationship that haven’t been resolved. Of course the wife is going to feel hurt about the cheating. If this is in the past, and they agreed to work together to get past it, and it appears he has been, then she has 2 choices – she can decide that the damage to their relationship is irreparable and leave, or she can decide to stay…. But then, if she decides to stay, it has to be with a forgiving heart, and not continue to hold it over his head forever and ever. What good does it do to bring up old wounds? Ripping the bandages off over and over again does not heal the wound. It appears that she wants to hurt him, in return for him hurting her. That is not a healthy way to maintain a relationship.

Was he wrong to cheat? Absolutely! He had other choices, and didn’t take those choices.

The son is caught in the middle. It sounds like he originally saw his mom as the victim and “sided” with her. Perhaps now he isn’t seeing her as the victim, but as someone who has allowed their bitterness and anger to cloud their judgment and it is affecting his relationship with her. Who knows – maybe when he spends time with his mom, all he hears is negativity towards his father – and he is caught in the middle.

When a couple stands together, and says their vows, they have no intention of cheating. They can’t even fathom that it may happen. Just like getting lost in your travels, sometimes people get lost in their lives, and lose sight of what is important and what isn’t. And just as we stand in front of God and say those vows, we also say “in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, til death to we part.” The one who was cheated on also has to make a decision – to forgive, or not to forgive – and just as the one who cheated said the vows, the one who was cheated on, also said vows, to try to work on the marriage. By constantly reminding the other one of their transgression, is that forgiveness? Is that working towards a solution? Or is that also breaking the vow of “for better or worse”?

Don’t be too hard on the son – he has a tough road, as he loves both his parents, and I suspect that both are trying to get him “on their side.” He probably needs a friend to be there to listen, and not judge.

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I'm going to have to disagree here....

Having been the one that's been 'cheated on' in more than one relationship, I originally thought that maybe it WAS my fault, but after years of introspection; I've come to the conclusion that it WASN'T my fault. I treated these women like queens, and gave up everything I had to give to keep them happy.

As far as 'not taking care of business in the bedroom', one must be allowed to try! I've heard so many 'excuses' why I couldn't 'take care of business', only to find that they were busy laying down with others. I've made jokes about my ex wife being 'alot like Will Rogers; she never met a man she didn't like." The problem was, that she liked them even better when I was at work!

Another girl I was involved with waited till I went on a 5 day hunting trip, (she was excited that I was going to go, and now I know why!). She spent 3 of those 5 days in bed with someone else, and then crawled back into our bed like nothing ever happened. I got a 'confession' out of her on Valentine's Day. Her 'excuse' for cheating.....she was curious how good in bed he was.

I have no respect for anyone that will lay down with someone other than their partner. In both cases, I left the relationship, with no thoughts at reconciliation.

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I think it comes down to your character and morals. I would never, and I do mean NEVER hurt another soul like that, especially one that I love. As your partner, you are not only there to help and encourage but also to protect from harm, either physical or emotional.

It seems in this day and age of disposable marriage; forever and the true sense of commitment have disappeared. This is truly a sad fact.

Maybe it’s our selfishness that allows us to justify our behaviors and actions, the live for today mentality. Take the time to know someone, truly know them, and then maybe you can find that one that has the same beliefs and morals as you do.

How can you have a partnership that’s foundation is built on trust, and you know that you can’t trust them? Forgiveness is one thing, trust is another.

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I have to totally agree. If you make a commit in the eyes of god and witnesses to keep your parttner body and soul happy then that's how it is. But it takes both giving a 100% to each other not 50 but 100. All your love all your thoughts...you need to talk..marriage is not easy. It's two people coming together from two different familiies that dealt with things two different ways...but as you go through you life together you grow to each other..you guy up together..you learn how you both like things find common ground and that is how your family your marriage is one..always think of the other person.if your mate thinks of you and you think of your mate then there is no place for selflessness. No need to be thinking of me. You get all you need from your patner. Now I don't mean at all material. Love is not material. Love is always thinking of the others soul that you are holding in your hand. Love is strong that no matter what you will be there for the other..if npyou do this and always put your lovers soul n needs before you and the same goes for the other, then there won't be a need to go a looking. If you cheat on me I feel I would be so devastated due to the fact that everything I am, I do, I want is all for my patner. My soul would never be the same. Maybe I'm old fashion also but I've been married for 25 hrs and I feel more love from him when I look at him then I did on my wedding day which I thought was impossible. But we've been through a lot together and he has been my rock..always there, always knows what to say,or when to say anything...say goes for him..my heart over flows thinking of him and I can't do enough for him..he can't do enough for me..we don't have much material stuff but I wouldn't trade that for what I have! Think of each other, do no harm to each other, love each other as you would want to be loved, with that it will be very hard to cheat...good luck..o

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