I am boycotting Mother’s Day this year.
This year, I have been dreading Mother’s Day more than I usually do. I see the cards, I hear the commercials “Buy something for your Mother…” “Thank your mom…”
I have always avoided church on Mother’s Day. I can’t sit through the whole “Mom’s are such a miracle…” It isn’t that I am not glad to have a mom. It isn’t that I am not proud of my sisters and friends who are moms. I just can’t face the pitying looks and the “aww, don’t you wish you had kids” crap that well-meaning people say.
Yeah, I wish I had kids. I always wanted children. I wanted a houseful of children… but due to medical issues, I was never able to have children. So, when those well-meaning people give me the “D.I.N.K” JOKE (must be nice to be double income, no kids) I don’t find it funny. I also don’t find it funny when people assume that we chose not to have children.
I think people have their heads up their ass when they give the line “oh you can adopt” – yeah? Have you tried it? Guess what – when we were young enough to adopt, our lovely adoption services here had a waiting list of 11 years – that’s right, 11 years, if you wanted a “normal” child, and 3-4 years, if you were willing to take a disabled child. Even then, that was no guarantee. We looked at private adoption, but waiting and hoping to be approved, and then paying between $10,000 and $15,000 in legal fees, just didn’t seem right. Also, in the province of Alberta, at the time we were looking, the birth mom had 6 months to change her mind, and take the child back. This happened to someone very close to me, and I saw how it ripped them apart, losing the child they had waited for for so long, and who they had opened their home and hearts to, and then to lose the child back to the crackhead birth mom at 6 months less 12 hours, just because she was the “mom” solely by being able to spawn a child.
And this year – this year is worse. My mom passed away in January. My mom, who was the best mom in the whole world, the bravest woman I have ever known, the woman who was such a role model of courage and quiet strength, is gone. My mom, who was always there for me as a child, as a rotten teen (sorry, Mom) and throughout my adult life. And what makes it worse, I was the one who had to make the decision to remove her from life support. Yeah, I know that clinically, it was the right decision, but emotionally, it was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I know she didn’t want to be kept alive with a ventilator and drugs and cardioversion… that isn’t living. Not for this woman. But dammit, that really sucked. And it still sucks. And I am still mad, and hurt, and feeling guilty, for making that decision, even though I know deep down it was the right one…
And dammit even more, I REALLY MISS her. I miss our daily phone calls where we talked about nothing and everything. I miss being able to tell her about my day at work, and listen to her tell me what she did that day. I miss going shopping with her, especially to the garden centre to pick out new plants each spring, and I miss going to her doctor appointments with her. I miss listening to her talk about how proud she was of all her grandchildren, and the two great-grandchildren who were of course the two cutest little girls in the world. I miss how she would always just have to say a couple words to make me believe that I could succeed, and how she would always be the cheerleader for anything we kids wanted to do, whether it was sports in high school, events in university, and applying for jobs or changing careers.
Dammit Mom, I wasn’t ready for you to be gone.. I will never be ready… and I really really miss you… and I just want to be able to say “I love you” one more time… So when I hear the jewelry commercial that says “Tell your Mom you love her….” I really really hate that commercial…
So this year, I am boycotting Mother’s Day.