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About this blog

what is in my head and heart.

Entries in this blog

 

the end

The End. Were you too blind to see the sadness in my eyes? Were you just to busy to stop and ask me why. You just let me slip away and as my soul slowly dies. You never asked me about the tears I cry. The hand was played the cards were dealt. I wish now that the wind would take me where ever it blows. You will never know the love I felt. You are a cruel person and now the truth shows. You fail to notice everything I did how much I really care. I always hide what's really on my mind as I listen to you talk, I laughed at your jokes and stupid stupid things you dare, You can talk the talk but honey you cant walk that walk. I will be there when you need me all you have to do is call. I will stand beside you and help you be strong. I will not let the troubles of life let you fall. I know this dream I am dreaming cant be wrong. I know I am not your first but I was hoping I could be your last. Hard as stone with hidden fears I will love in slience as no one hears. My heart of gold and beautiful soul will be a thing of the past. Those are things that have been hardened and vanished through the years. We will never know what might have been or what could be. Because you chose to shout the door and the life that could be will never be tried. I will go now and live inside my private hell and you will never see. But if the wourld ends tonight just know that a tear for you was cried.

itku2er

itku2er

 

Life

It is almost June 2, again I hate this day but in reality I really should not. It was the day that all MY dreams were to become a reality. I was going to get what I wanted and that was a real family for me and JT. One that did things together and really bonded. Kinda like the leave it to Beaver show.....The white picket fences and all...But once again life decided to throw me a curve ball and the mighty Terri struck out. As I look now I see it as just another lesson learned, another story to tell, and hopefully it will give me the message to pass on to someone else who was in my situtation. A quote comes to mind: being with no one is better than being with the wrong one. Some times those who fly solo have the strongest wings.

itku2er

itku2er

 

I will be back to terrizing the neighborhood!

Well as a few of you know I have been MIA for a bit, But I am coming back the same old me with a new attitude... this one some might even like its amazing what a break can do!!! The reason I been MIA is cause of personal problem i had to deal with and some things just cant be fixed overnight!!!!! *and a .... you can fill in the blank as you go!!!*

itku2er

itku2er

 

A few thoughts on life...

Have you ever wondered what it is like to have a mental illness? We often look at people with them and just brush them off as crazy and nuts, but never take the time to truly understand what they are all about. I have been doing alot of thinking about this since the begining of the year. I wonder what triggers the illness to esculate to the point of violence. Can a simple hello do that? The mind is a strange and fragile thing. The person with a mental illness does not accept the reality of the real word, but the reality they have is real to them. Strange how that works reality is simply a preception isnt it? We "normal" people have different preception of the world than does one with a mental illness. But I wonder what happens to trigger a violent outburst, does this person precieve everyone as an enemy? Is that the reality they know living as if everyone is going to hurt them or cause them pain? Medication is a wonderful thing some time it can balance the brain hormones and them normal again. But when those hormones get out of whack it causes alot of problems. So do we just put them in a institution to spend the rest of their lives sedated or do we take the chance on them and give them the best shot at a normal real life we can? Doesnt everyone deserve to feel secure, safe and comfortable? Just because they have a mental illness does that mean they are less of a human than the people that do not? I have been watching alot of movies with various mental illness in them, Is the answer to the question simply do as they did in "One Flew Over the Coocoo's Nest"? Do just give them all a lobotomy and lock them away? How far can a mothers love spread?

itku2er

itku2er

 

My friends.

Well this time of year really gets me down 6 years ago today my dad took his life and to this day I am still bothered with the question of WHY. My freinds know this is a rough time for me so today they call me and tell me we are meeting for a spontaneous outing at Applebees, They wouldnt take no for an answer. So I go and I had the best time. Some times its real easy to get caught up with all the shit that goes on in life that we forget the most imporant things our family and our freinds. It is real easy to just shut out the ones we care for and the one's that care for us when times are bad. I am the worlds worse for that I am all into self preservation dont get close and you wont get hurt. But today showed me that its ok to let our friends see us hurt and cry cause that is what friends do. What started out as a bad day suddenly turned great I love my friends cause they sure know me and know what I need and do not take NO for an answer. Now I just have to figure out what to do with 2 bouquets of daisies and a cheap bottle of wine...(yeah that was the funniest part of the joke they all know I dont drink so Sharon graciously decided she could take it back home with her and take care of it properly we all had a great laugh. ) Applebee's will never be the same once our gang was there thank God I am in nursing and not a waitress I wouldnt make any tips! I guess that Tony Romo was right when he said life isnt always chocolate and rainbows. But to add to that quote I will say the chocolate and rainbows aren't near as beautiful as my friends are who needs chocolat and rainbows any way chocolate melts and rainbows fade but friends are a life long thing. So go hug your kids spouse and parents dont wait till tomorrow because tomorrow may be to late, tell them you love you. If you care about someone you really need to tell them cause they may leave before you ever get the chance to tell them. If I had one day with my dad I would say these three simple words... I forgive you.

itku2er

itku2er

 

The End.

The End. Were you too blind to see the sadness in my eyes? Were you just to busy to stop and ask me why. You just let me slip away and as my soul slowly dies. You never asked me about the tears I cry. The hand was played the cards were dealt. I wish now that the wind would take me where ever it blows. You will never know the love I felt. You are a cruel person and now the truth shows. You fail to notice everything I did how much I really care. I always hide what's really on my mind as I listen to you talk, I laughed at your jokes and stupid stupid things you dare, You can talk the talk but honey you cant walk that walk. I will be there when you need me all you have to do is call. I will stand beside you and help you be strong. I will not let the troubles of life let you fall. I know this dream I am dreaming cant be wrong. I know I am not your first but I was hoping I could be your last. Hard as stone with hidden fears I will love in slience as no one hears. My heart of gold and beautiful soul will be a thing of the past. Those are things that have been hardened and vanished through the years. We will never know what might have been or what could be. Because you chose to shout the door and the life that could be will never be tried. I will go now and live inside my private hell and you will never see. But if the wourld ends tonight just know that a tear for you was cried.

itku2er

itku2er