Joker21

She'd been diagnosed with Cancer in October so we knew it was coming. This has definitely been a learning experience for me. They always tell you that people grieve differently but it makes more sense when you see it in front of you. Anger, denial, it's all right there. Thanks for sharing your stories and support guys, I hope that I get to build my experience base and be a better EMT because of it.

Yeah as just a 3 year EMT it was my first slow one. And like I said I haven't had to experience it first hand in my own family. You guys are all spot on. I felt too clinical instead of emotional, and that they weren't being emotional at all. I don't feel "so" affected. Like 2/10 on the discomfort scale. Just a new sensation for me I guess It just seems easier to be part of the care team instead of the watching/preparing for grief side of things.

So I watched my boyfriend's mum die on Monday early morning. It was peaceful, and calm, and she went surrounded by family. But I was uncomfortable the whole time. Because I knew things they didn't. I saw things they didn't. Smelled, heard, felt... you get the picture. We showed up for an afternoon visit and she was unresponsive, resps 32, labored, snoring. Cool to the touch, but diaphoretic. Mottling to the extremities. And for me little flags are going off about what's happening to her body. But boyfriend's family is talking about the real estate market, or shopping or work drama. We get called in the night because the nurses think it's almost time. When we show up she's agonal breathing, and I'm watching the apneic periods grow longer. And his family is talking about what a hassle the cab to the hospital is in Canadian winter. Her breathing changes and it's smooth and unlabored, but still fast and shallow. And I try to tell them "Her breathing is changing. I don't think it will be long now." To encourage them to actually notice the person dying in front of them. Boyfriend steps out to use the restroom. Breathing is slowing, even more shallow now and so I say "I'm going to give you privacy to share with her." And I leave the room to call boyfriend because I know that she has only moments. He didn't make it back. They all commented about how they wish they'd held her hand, or told her they loved her. And boyfriend beats himself up about missing the last moments. In my job I don't spend hours watching people die. Minutes at most, maybe. And I'm always working to benefit the patient. Slow their death, ease pain, etc. I'm sure a ton of us have experienced something similar, where your work brain can't turn off when there's a personal medical event going on. I didn't know how to just be girlfriend and shoot the sh*t and comfort and try to understand someone else's pain. I was stuck with work frustration and helpless. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience they'd share? And how things went in the following days/weeks? Because I am lucky to not know personal loss, or grief. So I'm lost as to how to be supportive for an emotion I know nothing about.

I'm really glad to hear that you're floored. That means the support is coming through! I'll gladly take some gear off your hands! And I'd love to meet your pup! Kate's mission is amazing, what a heartfelt journey. And I'm happy you're finding joy in supporting it! I'll definitely send some coin her way

Hey tniuqs! You're one of the biggest reasons I started into this career and you're the reason I am on this forum. I had a wicked bad day that will likely haunt me on the job this morning and even though I almost never post, and rarely read up, thanks to you I felt like this was a safe community to maybe talk it out. I met ya when I was 17, and even though we don't keep in touch much, I often think about the years you've put in to this field, and that I hope to help as many people as you have. I sometimes think of it as the science-y nerd that I am, in that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. So we deal with people who are surrounded by, dunked in, and sh*ting out bad energy. And a big part of our job is to comfort, connect and try to ease that negativity in their physical and mental conditions. But that bad stuff doesn't just go away. It seems to be transferred, in part at least, to us practitioners. You are strong to have carried the pain of so many for so long and I am sure that any patient would agree that you take some of the burden off them during those nasty calls. Don't carry it alone. You took on everyones pain for 12+40 years and now its your turn to release it onto something else. Welcome back.

SWEET! Honestly I missed Chuck, and Trauma made me want to ..... well... upchuck. I suppose I was entertained but I'm guessing not in the way the producers would've liked. I laughed at the show, not with it. Have you ever wondered if spies and other government agents watch Chuck, and Laugh as much as the EMS community does while watching Trauma?