Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account
Current Chat Room Users
0 users are in Room 1:



Come check out the updated chat room.  Any member can use the chat.  Just click the "Chat Room" menu item.


Photo
* * * * - 5 votes

Lets get this party started! Post something here so we know you're alive!


  • Please log in to reply
1174 replies to this topic

#1171 island emt

island emt
  • Elite Members
  • 2,267 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:bailey island
  • Occupation:Retired Service chief :-}
Reputation: 310
Excellent

Posted 20 April 2015 - 02:31 AM

Dear Tide

 

 

 

 I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.

 

 My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

 I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

 

 Well, gotta go,

I have to write to the Hefty trash bag people.

 

 


  • 2

#1172 island emt

island emt
  • Elite Members
  • 2,267 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:bailey island
  • Occupation:Retired Service chief :-}
Reputation: 310
Excellent

Posted 23 April 2015 - 11:55 PM

icon1.gif Old and cranky and you ain't fixin' me!!
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off! 

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment .... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." 

Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap! 

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights." I'm very wise.

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees. 

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week. 

When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?

I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!

Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound! 

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? 

Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
 

  • 0

#1173 Violyn

Violyn
  • Members
  • 28 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Tempe, Az
  • Occupation:Violinist/ EMT
Reputation: 4
Neutral

Posted 03 May 2015 - 05:36 AM

I've been really busy. Been gone for a while. Anyone miss me? Lol
  • 0

#1174 island emt

island emt
  • Elite Members
  • 2,267 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:bailey island
  • Occupation:Retired Service chief :-}
Reputation: 310
Excellent

Posted 16 May 2015 - 12:25 AM

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli wafting up the stairs. 

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. 

Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. 

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli. 

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? 

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. 

His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth. 

With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife. 

'Hands off!' she said. 'Those are for the funeral.'
 

  • 0

#1175 cuffs007

cuffs007
  • Members
  • 8 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Occupation:EMT-B
Reputation: -1
Neutral

Posted 19 May 2015 - 12:19 AM

Yo' Mama is so fat... the RADIO skips when she enters the room.


  • -1




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users