Kiwiology

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About Kiwiology

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  1. GRR! Kiwi quiere habla Espanol muy bien, estoy Espanol el tragedia, Kiwi aprendiendo en trabajo, aprendiendo Espanol es duro! es amigo de Cuba habla Espanol muy bien, el habla muy rapido, duro entiendo! Y yo estoy tambien mucho hambre, quien lo hara cocinar Kiwi cenar?
  2. Hiya

    Welcome. Ignore everything I say and you'll be fine
  3. Stop stealing my lorazepam! I actually need a refill on that; let's see hmm, I know, I will call 911 for an ambulance and have them take me to ER where Emergentologist can Rx me some more. I mean, that is the right thing to do right?
  4. Well after a six month hiatus of crawling out the black hole and getting my noggin somewhat untwisted I figured I would see what is going down here ... now lets not get any ideas, I still hate you all with the very depths of my being but I just don't have the energy to go on long, deconstructive burnt out, lorazepam fuelled rants anymore because I just don't care Emergentologist also found out I was doing his wife at the Best Western on 29th St so yeah, I am kinda broke after the lawsuit ...
  5. Lets see, Nuggets vs Warriors hmm, Ima go with Nuggets on this one. Sorry California, its nothing personal, as much as I love me some California the Warriors come from Oakland, and Oakland sucks, unless you want to get murdered, then its not so bad.
  6. Oh dear, I got this at work today, geography knowledge in US is worse than expected, Emergentologist what has become of your people?
  7. Hello of an EMT from Paris, France !

    Richard, we have the Sierra Project in New Zed where calls that are triaged as "green" (not urgent or life threatening) are going to be sent an alternate resource known as a Sierra unit which is a Paramedic or Intensive Care Paramedic in a jeep who can do more thorough assessment and refer them to an alternate health resource such as GP, medical centre etc Calls triaged as "grey" (appropriate for telephone advice) will be transferred to HealthLine which is a nurse phone line. This practice is very common in UK just slightly different. The days of calling 111/999 etc and automatically being sent an ambulance are thoroughly over at least in some parts of the world.
  8. Hello of an EMT from Paris, France !

    I want to work in France, only because SMUR translates roughly to Mobile Urgent Reanimation Service (Service de Urgence Mobile Renaimaitone or some near equivalent, my French not so good) and that sounds totally badass!
  9. Attention fucked in the head Doctor - it is not acceptable to discharge my chest pain patient one hour after doing an ECG, furthermore, the fact I have had to specifically request you do cardiac enzymes and other biochemistry (e.g. leukocytes, ESR, bands, segs, CRP) makes me wonder if you are actually a doctor ... and furtherm0re, if I request a copy of said CXR, ECG, bloods and notes to have it reviewed by me and two Consultant Physicians well fuck you none of your lip just give it to me mmkay?
  10. Hi All

    Damn you Emergentologist; I am going to have to chew down some more lorazepams now ... and just as I was getting them weaned ... oh who am I kidding, why in the fuck would I want to do that, lorazepams smooth out the day nicely especially when dealing with douchebag hospitals in US for patient records and things like actually wanting to speak to the Doctor, can take days to weeks or just never happen, you call some squalor hospital in Calcutta where the patient is having blood letting done for his dropsy and the Doctor is straight on the phone, telling me his symptoms, investigations, diagnosis, how many leeches he is using, what colour, size and wriggle factor they have, how much blood has been let, the lab values of that blood and what his plan is for the patient, then he gives you his cellphone number to call him if you need and then emails you as well, meanwhile in US you get somebody who just laughs at you when you ask to talk to the Doctor and offers to put you onto the RN, NP, PA, LVN, LPN or some other fucked up non doctor person if they can page them and that might take two hours and just never eventuate ... and its easier to just get fucked up on valiumz and deal with the health care system in India, Thailand, South Africa or honestly? ... any country that is not US! ... I do like the 40 page ED discharge notes though that contain what the patient did every day of their life prior to setting foot in the hospital, and what happened every second they were in the hospital and who was there, who was not there, why they were there, who ordered it, why they ordered it, and every other fucking excruciating detail imaginable and then tacked on the back is the $200,000 bill ... I am not even kidding you, last week I had a patient with a bill of over $100,000 for a 2 night stay and she didn't even have surgery or nothing ... Jesus H Shit on a stick Emergentollgist, if I need valiumz to just deal with the system from my level how is it you are not dead from some sort of massive chronic polypharmacy poisoning having to actually work there? And lets not even get into the typical line of conversation when one of my patients is still being worked up in ED "Hello this is Joe, you want to talk to me?" "Yes, thank you for speaking, are you the House Surgeon or the Registrar?" "No, this not surgery" "OK, are you the House Officer or the Registrar?" "The Registrar is sitting on the front desk" "Can I speak to them about this patient please then?" "Why?" "Because I need to speak to the Registrar" "Hang on" "Hello Registrar?" "Yes Registrar, thanks for speaking with me today, can you tell me about this patients presenting complaint, investigation, diagnosis and plan?" "I don't know" "Aren't you the Registrar?" "Yes" "And are you this patients Registrar?" "Yes, well, I am for all the patients" "So you have worked this patient up?" "Um, I'm not the Doctor" "Oh ... you said you were the Registrar, can I talk to the House Officer?" "What?" "The Doctor" "You were just talking to him" "Can I talk to him again please?" "He is busy now, he will be free in five hours, let me transfer you to somebody else ...." Hmmm * whips out that handy ERDoc to English Translator "Can I talk to the Intern, Resident or Attending Physician please?" "Sure let me find somebody!" True story ....
  11. Attention Physician who I can barely understand (1) My patient has no history of HTN or cardiac disease (2) He felt dizzy and was tachypnoeic (3) He had a single, isolated episode of BP 160 systolic without symps of a hypertensive crisis, stroke or end organ dysfunction (4) You started him on an ACE inhibitor and diltiazem (a calcium antagonist) (5) He now feels unwell because his blood pressure is too low (6) A Consultant Physician, a Registered Nurse and me all disagree with your management (7) This comes as a surprise to you .... (8) We think you're a fucking moron That is all ...
  12. Just had to evacuate somebody off a cruise ship I am jealous reminiscent of my cruise to Bahamas and wish I'd bought my trunks They wouldn't let me wear the flight suit that had DOCTOR written on it, poopyheads!
  13. Attention doctor your decision to perform an appendectomy on my patient with tummy pain and raised leukocytes upon whom you have not performed a CT because the hospital does not have one is fairly dubious at best or so I think Also attention other doctor who cancelled the evacuation I spent eleven hours planning and then reordered it when the patient started spewing his guts out and you got freaked out and wanted him off your hands, you're a douchebag
  14. I am old in the head It comes from travelling at twice the speed of life