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About scratrat

  • Birthday 04/04/1978

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    Paramedic/Correctional Officer

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    Landisville, New Jersey
  1. Women can have it anytime they want too!! They just have to tell us that we're allowed in the room.
  2. That was HILARIOUS! Kudos to him to have the courage to joke in that instance! Sounds like he's probably still laughing upstairs!
  3. Once again, my disclaimer...if you're offended easily, DO NOT continue..
  4. GREAT DIVORCE AGREEMENT In God We Trust Since we are not going to get gasoline back to $1.50 per gallon and coffee to $2.00 per pound maybe this would be a solution we could live with. DIVORCE AGREEMENT -- This is so incredibly well-put, and I can hardly believe it's by a young person, a student!! Whatever he runs for, I'll vote for him! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressives, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et. al.: We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: 1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes. 2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them. 3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. 4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. 5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel. 6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell . You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them. 7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street . 8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens. 9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. 10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . 11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. 12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. 13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. 14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill. 15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. 16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.. 17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right. 18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." 19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World". 20. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. 21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag. 22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. Sincerely, John J. Wall Law Student and an American P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn , Martin Sheen, Barbra Streisand, and Jane Fonda with you. P.S.S..: And you won't have to "Press 1 for English" when you call our country.. Forward this every time you get it! Let's keep this going; maybe some of it will start sinking in! If you can't stand behind our Military, Please feel free to stand in front of them!
  5. Once again, jokes about everything under the sun, if offended, DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!![
  6. AH HA!! Okay, new ones to follow!!
  7. I'm gonna to have to change them ones... where do I clean them out?? I can't seem to find anyway to erase them, even in my profile??
  8. If you can't laugh at yourself, your idiosynchrocies, etc....DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!! Well, I had more but I can't upload any more apparantly. Any way to insert them into a post??
  9. "Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter" Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
  10. 1./ Not funny at all. 2./ If I'm not mistaken, Macon is in GA where citizens can carry. 3./ I would have returned fire. How funny would that have been then?? Because I can bet I'm a better shot. 4./ Everyone who was involved and/or had knowledge of, requires immediate dismissal. No questions asked, no union involvement. 5./ The person brandishing the "weapon"; charged with terrorist threats, (No acutal weapon is required for this) and kidnapping. Maybe more if I can think of the correct statute.
  11. Again, how is this my problem?
  12. So, an article from the 90's is your basis for your comment? Intersting...especially given the fact that WE are now the minority. And how is it MY problem that more blacks are unemployed?? I'll say it again....get off your ass. There are PLENTY of free rides to college just for being anything but white. Jobs and education are out there for the taking, people are just too lazy to GET said jobs/education. I'd also like to know why, when applying for federal jobs, you automatically get "points" for being anything but white and you score a better chance of getting a job even if your less qualified, based on the color of your skin. There is reverse racism these days, so you can kiss my ass if you think I owe you anything. Go tell those unemployed to do something about it and stop trying to blame me for your races' issues. The 60's are long gone.
  13. Not when you're a public servant and you are spewing hate rhetoric towards a specific group of people. Would you say the same thing if I posted hateful things about blacks on my Facebook page while off duty? I bet you'd call for punishment. This is no different. Where did you get your data from that states that predominately white people are on welfare? Or is this another one of your blanket statements with no merit? I for one am all for getting rid of ALL social programs to ALL people, white, black or indifferent. You get what you breed and social programs breed laziness from all sides.
  14. Hugely inappropriate. If the mother agreed to this, then she's trash and probably provides minimal parental guidance if any. If the nurse actually did this, she a piece of shit and needs to be fired and have her license pulled. If someone even THOUGHT about doing that to one my children, I'd probably be arrested for punching someone in the throat. That is absolutely absurd and I pray to God that bits and pieces of this story are even not true, or embellished.
  15. You forgot.... snizzle my nizzle fizzle. And can the front legs do that bounce thing, or will it break their legs, and then we'd have a drive-by?