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The Heart of the matter

Entry posted


I have been trying to explain to my husband what's going on with my job and I find myself almost incredulous that I let it go this far. I don't want to hang out all the dirty laundry, so I'm thinking deep inside I do want to stay in EMS. I made a mistake. After months of a schedule that required 40-48 hours straight, no breaks, long distance transfers and high stress calls, I made repeated attempts to change the schedule, me bringing up repeated safety concerns, such as EMT's driving 90 while texting, an EMT having a seizure on the job and being allowed back to work a week later, I made a medication error. Funny that really wasn't covered in my medic course, but the thought of hiding it, trying to pass the blame, anything dishonest, never crossed my mind. During a code enroute after the standard EPI, I administered Narcan per our protocols, but the patient had been down a long time and was pronounced at the hospital. During the cleanup of the truck a bottle of Haldol was found and being the standup adult that I am, I could only conclude I had administered the wrong medication. I don't remember it like that, but evidence is evidence. I distinctly remember grabbing Narcan. Orange cap. Not Haldol. Yellow cap. Anyway, I went to my director, wrote it up, wasn't asked for mitigating circumstances, such as the fact I'd been up for 40 hours straight. I wasn't asked how many cardiac arrests I'd worked solo: 1. Just give us the facts. Now 6 months later, with no follow up from the head of the service or the medical director, based on another incident blown out of porportion that I was rude to a nurse in the ER, I am being asked to resign. I'm actually being threatened with them going to the medical board is probably more accurate, unless I resign. My husband wants to know why I'm not being demoted, was I ever counseled on any of this, had I ever talked to my medical director prior to all this. My answer is I don't know, no, never. I can never remember anyone being counseled, suspended, demoted, nothing. Once in a while we lose a good medic to an ER nurse who makes a complaint about this exact thing. They were rude to me. I've thought long and hard the last 4 weeks about how many times I went to my boss about issues that concerned me, mainly the continued use of straight shifts. Everyone comes in tired, including me, I told them. Repeatedly. When I ask for time off, I get turned down by the supervisor. I was publically mocked at one point for it with a big production about "conspiracies" and how there aren't any, you just take time when you need it. But yet I couldn't get it when I asked. So in the end, it's my medical license and my future in EMS. It is completely my ass on the line. I've realized that I really lacked any sort of perspective to compare the service to, as I never worked anywhere else. The medical board can screw me forever and I will not work as a medical provider in this state. Ever. I guess I am a little curious about whether this is over the top, pretty typical or just boring and repetitively ignorant. I thought I was a good medic until all this happened. I doubt myself every day and I wonder if going to medic school was a huge mistake that I will pay for forever. Everything I have done the last 3 years was so that the last career I would ever have would be in EMS. Now that's in question. I was planning to move but regardless of the distance and how far away I can never outrun myself. I will always question myself. I guess the bottom line is if I had more confidence in my abilities I might have walked sooner and wouldn't be in this predicament now. I don't know. I love my job, loved my job, that is. Despite all the issues about safety, put me in the back and I'm happy. I love patient care, but maybe I don't deserve it. I keep thinking if I was a better medic this wouldn't have happened, but I know too much about other mistakes made and can only conclude that somewhere in documentation I missed medic self preservation.

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1 Comment

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Ok, it sounds like your service sucks and doesn't care for quality medics, it doesn't cultivate medics and when mistakes are made they do not look to the reasons why they are made they just cut and run.  I've been there, I truly have.  I can say for the two places Ive been in this situation, I was truly better off without that place and I've truly become a better person and medic for the situation.  

I also know that my last position, non-medic I am definately better off.  

To quote myself  FUCK em.  

I do feel your pain

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