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Posted by emtannie, 11 August 2012 · 3,799 views

As some of you know, it has been a long time since I have really been here in the city... and to be honest, I have been avoiding it, mostly in shame.

In 2009, I started paramedic classes... I loved it, even though juggling a not-so-stable home life, running my own business, and being guardian and sometimes caregiver for my mom was sometimes a challenge. I did well in my classes, and was looking forward to my practicums.

In 2010, two tours into my practicum, my mom became acutely ill, and within 3 days, I had to make the decision to remove her from life support and explain it to the rest of my family.

As I was not allowed to take time off from my practicum, I withdrew for a year, as was required by the college. I went back in 2011, and struggled through my first practicum. I felt my preceptors weren't being the mentors I wanted. When I asked for clarification, they said "look it up." When I asked for them to quiz me on medications, they said "later." Although they signed off on all my skills and competencies, at the end of my practicum, they informed me that they were not going to pass me to go on to my next practicum because "you are not sociable enough." Not with patients, but with other staff... they said I studied too hard and didn't spend enough time having coffee with staff (WTF???). They also refused to complete the final evaluation, so I was in limbo..

I contacted the college numerous times to see what my options were, without getting a response. Finally I appealed to the Dean and President of the college. Instead of accepting my completed competencies, I was required to re-do that practicum AGAIN.

I did not perform well. I was frustrated, and I struggled. I lost focus, I was making dumb mistakes. One of the staff where I was doing my practicum told me that my preceptor had been told by the college to make my practicum as difficult as possible, so I would leave, because I had embarassed them by appealing my previous practicum.

I couldn't do it... I gave up and withdrew... I failed in my attempt to be a medic, something I always wanted... and in the year since then, every day I wake up and hate the fact that I didn't make it. I hate that medics I work with tell me that I should be a medic, that I am better than half the medics out there, and yet I couldn't do it. I hate that I wasted all that time and money, and have nothing to show for it. I hate that there are people who I thought were really good friends, who haven't spoken to me since I left school. I should have fought harder. I should have done better. I should have been successful...

I stalk this site, and read the posts.... and think "I have nothing to add... " so I don't..

I am not posting this for sympathy... I don't want sympathy... I am posting so those that asked, know why I am not here anymore. I don't think I have anything to contribute... and until I figure out how to regain that confidence, I won't. I won't go back to school - I can't afford it, and on the positive side, my business has really expanded in the last year, and I still work casual on an ambulance, so that helps keep me busy.

Be safe all...

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Annie-droid,

First off, don't think that you've 'got nothing to add', because locked in that pretty head of yours, is a wealth of information that can be benefitted from.

Second, are you going to look at this as the end of the world situation, or are you going to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the ring and shoot for the TKO?

I got sick and had to withdraw from school in my last semester. I don't know if I can get back in, or if I have to start all over again (this will be the third time around).

Don't give up, I got your back (that way I can check out your backside in the process)!
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Go to another school. Don't let one shitty experience sour you on the whole world of EMS.

I agree with Lone. Get up, dust yourself off, and keep going. If you really want it, you can go for it.

If your business has taken off, perhaps you can find a way to save/budget for going to another school? Life just got in your way last time (and some shitty instructors)... get back in there and fight! The people who know you speak the truth, girl. You SHOULD be a medic. You didn't fail, the school failed you (and made no bones about it).
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You know a lot of things happen in life and we can't always control it. Which that doesn't mean to give up all together it might just mean to do it later in life. I was taking my medic class and with working 50+ hours a week, things just didn't work out for me in class. I had to work to keep a roof over my head. And sometimes school's screw u over and you can't do anything about it. Maybe try another school. I had a school that screwed me over with my certification and I had to go back to school somewhere else. Maybe look into another school in your area. Don't give up on your dreams keep pushing forward. I hope to have the time and money to go back to medic school next year. Keep your head high
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I know exactly how you feel. The college I attended put me through the same run around too. I quit, but now I am back in a paramedic program, at a different college, and this one seems promising, my fingers are crossed, and I hope that you can get back up, and stick it to them. Show them what you are capable of, and it shouldn't matter if you are not real sociable with your preceptors, and if they were not willing to help you study, or quiz you, that is their choice, so you did the right thing by taking your studies into your own hands. You should go back, refreshed and determined to make it through. Good luck!

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