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about to graduate the school of hard knocks

Posted by naturegirl, 19 December 2012 · 1,653 views

I should have started a blog here a long time ago. Maybe back in March when I started having problems. I don't know what happened or where things went wrong, but here on sit, all broken hearted all because I (fill in the blank). Remembered that old kids rhyme for some reason. To start at the end and work backwards for a second, I am in all practical sense of the word, "separating" from my employer. Isn't that a nice way to say Bye and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. According to my officially unofficial text from my boss, my behavior throwing a fit refusing a transfer was not appropriate; the ER funds the program and they wanted my head. So he gave it to them by giving me the nice option of resigning first to "save my license". The events that caused this are in dispute but nobody is believing me, the odds are against me as I have apparently developed a reputation for speaking my mind. And the events are so radically different in my memory than theirs that I am going to a psychiatrist to determine if I've become a split personallity. NO JOKE. Although if I have to even consider it, I'm probably not 2 in 1. Anyway, I asked a question. I was ignored so I repeated the question. No one even turned out to look at me. I was 5 feet away but apparently my question was so powerful they were fearful of my "threatening behavior". I'm not stupid or delusional. I know I was thrown under the bus because the ER doesn't want us to question ANYTHING about transfers. Just shut up and take them. Don't worry you carry no narcotics; pain is subjective. Don't worry the patient may be chemically sedated and stop breathing. Just deal with it.
The question? If you needed 10 of valium, 4 of ativan, 5 of haldol and 5 of versed plus 50 of benadryl to deal with this patient for a few hours, what am I supposed to do if it wears off and he wakes up?
Wrong question. Wrong tone. Wrong Wrong Wrong across the board. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Go back to the beginning and start again. Never mind I never refused, just advised I had to consult with the supervisor. Never mind the nurse in question has been accused of diverting narcotics and never mind that in the past, these "refusals" were much more heated and I've always gotten along with the nurses in the ER. I was the perfect example to be made because I was dumb enough to walk right into it. No one will refuse a transfer now, no one will even question it. They'll be afraid but they'll do it because their job is important to them. Of course it was to me too. I just switched to this better shift, but the tradeoff was that I ran my ass off every week for the last 6 months. 40-48 hours straight every week. No break, tired as crap. I brought it up time and time again that it's hard to be good when you're so tired but I was overruled at every turn by people who just wanted to get their 40 in and get out. So if anything the moral of this story is, to thine own self be true. I knew back months ago it was getting ridiculous there. Personnel issues were being openly gossiped about by the old boss, the new boss and interim boss with people who had no business hearing them. Employee safety issues were routinely ignored because it's complicated to fix a broke clock, easier to just remember it's right twice a day and bring your own timepiece. We all know we flirt with danger every time we go on scene. Dispatch information is usually sketchy, patients unpredictable, family members agitated. Is it really necessary to have to worry about if your driver is texting while driving code 3? Or maybe they'll have another seizure after 2 documented episodes. Yeah, all that and more. So for the next few days, I'll enjoy the time left before the Mayan's exploding time piece comes up short. If it doesn't I guess I can go Christmas shopping and shoot off my fireworks and ponder what life after EMS looks like. If I decide to stay in I'll probably have to move to outdistance the rumor mill. At least my psychological intervention can help me determine why I shouldn't feel angry at the situation and get past it all. I never had any job I loved more, looked forward to and was always excited to be at. Until the last 6 months. Boy doesn't hindsight suck.

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Wow, that's a lot to read, let alone go through. To me, all your concerns are valid. I would be interested to hear how you speak.

I don't have any answers or anything intelligent to say. Just be true to yourself, realize there are a hundred different ways to look at a situation and just as many ways to get what you want or need. Don't quit something you love behind 6 months of crap.

I've been written up by so many nurses...sometimes it's like...if assholes had wings, this place would be an airport.

I don't know what that has to do with you, but it's a great saying......hang in there....every situation is an opportunity to learn....something.

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